No really... It feels like this sometimes.
CROWD: A Global Warming Denier! A Global Warming Denier! We've got a Global Warming Denier
VILLAGER #1: We have found a Global Warming Denier, might we burn her?
CROWD: Burn her! Burn!
U.N. SCIENTIST: How do you know she is a Global Warming Denier?
VILLAGER #2: She looks like one.
U.N. SCIENTIST: Bring her forward.
GLOBAL WARMING DENIER: I'm not a Global Warming Denier. I just don't think "Man" is responsible for all of it.
U.N. SCIENTIST: But you look like one.
GLOBAL WARMING DENIER: They dressed me up like this.
CROWD: No, we didn't... no.
GLOBAL WARMING DENIER: And this isn't my nose, it's a false one.
U.N. SCIENTIST: Well?
VILLAGER #1: Well, we did do the nose.
U.N. SCIENTIST: The nose?
VILLAGER #1: And the hat -- but she is a Global Warming Denier!
CROWD: Burn her! Global Warming Denier! Global Warming Denier! Burn her!
U.N. SCIENTIST: Did you dress her up like this?
CROWD: No, no... no ... yes. Yes, yes, a bit, a bit.
VILLAGER #1: She has got an SUV.
U.N. SCIENTIST: What makes you think she is a Global Warming Denier?
VILLAGER #3: Well, she showed me a picture of the Sun and said that it was the reason the Earth get's hot.
U.N. SCIENTIST: The Sun?
VILLAGER #3: I did get a tan at the beach last week.
VILLAGER #2: Burn her anyway!
CROWD: Burn! Burn her!
U.N. SCIENTIST: Quiet, quiet. Quiet! There are ways of telling whether she is a Global Warming Denier.
CROWD: Are there? What are they?
U.N. SCIENTIST: Tell me, what do you do with Global Warming Deniers?
VILLAGER #2: Burn!
CROWD: Burn, burn them up!
U.N. SCIENTIST: And what do you burn apart from Global Warming Deniers?
VILLAGER #1: More Global Warming Deniers!
VILLAGER #2: Wood!
U.N. SCIENTIST: So, why do Global Warming Deniers burn?
[pause]
VILLAGER #3: B--... 'cause they're made of wood...?
U.N. SCIENTIST: Good!
CROWD: Oh yeah, yeah...
U.N. SCIENTIST: So, how do we tell whether she is made of wood?
VILLAGER #1: Build a bridge out of her.
U.N. SCIENTIST: Aah, but can you not also build bridges out of stone?
VILLAGER #2: Oh, yeah.
U.N. SCIENTIST: Does wood sink in water?
VILLAGER #1: No, no.
VILLAGER #2: It floats! It floats!
VILLAGER #1: Throw her into the pond!
CROWD: The pond!
U.N. SCIENTIST: What also floats in water?
VILLAGER #1: Bread!
VILLAGER #2: Apples!
VILLAGER #3: Very small rocks!
VILLAGER #1: Cider!
VILLAGER #2: Gre... gravy!
VILLAGER #1: Cherries!
VILLAGER #2: Mud!
VILLAGER #3: Churches -- churches!
VILLAGER #2: Lead -- lead!
AL GORE: A duck.
CROWD: Ooooooh.
U.N. SCIENTIST: Exactly! Sooo, logically...,
VILLAGER #1: If... she... weighs the same as a duck..., she's made of wood.
U.N. SCIENTIST: And therefore---?
VILLAGER #1: A Global Warming Denier!
CROWD: A Global Warming Denier!
U.N. SCIENTIST: We shall use my largest scales!
[yelling]
U.N. SCIENTIST: Right, remove the supports!
[whop]
[creak]
[scales teeter but remain equal]
CROWD: A Global Warming Denier! A Global Warming Denier!
GLOBAL WARMING DENIER: Sigh, well, that was a fair trial.
CROWD: Burn her! Burn her!
[yelling]
U.N. SCIENTIST: Who are you who are so wise in the ways of science?
AL GORE: I am Al Gore, Former Vice President and inventor of the Internet.
U.N. SCIENTIST: My liege!
AL GORE: Good Scientist, will you come with me to Kyoto, and join us at the Round Table of Scientific Consensus?
U.N. SCIENTIST: My liege! I would be honored.
AL GORE: And you are...?
U.N. SCIENTIST: I am a U.N. Scientist, my Liege.
AL GORE: Then I dub you Sir U.N. Scientist, Knight of the Round Table of Scientific Consensus.
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